"I like nostalgia just as much as the next person, sincerely I do, but c’mon…there are only so many remakes a woman can take."
The end is nigh, people, and we must prepare ourselves.
No, I’m not talking about the end of the world or the rebirth of Christ, I’m talking about something FAR more important…cinema.
Now, when I say the end is nigh, I don’t mean actual cinemas, like, the physical buildings or the act of going to the cinema. Sure, streaming is taking over, and cinema-goers are decreasing like my will to live, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about. I’m here to discuss Cinema itself, the actual content of the movies we see advertised on billboards, TikTok and at the beginning of YouTube videos that you can’t skip.
I’m here to explore how we went from producing insanely original, exciting cinema, to churning out countless remakes, reboots and sequels.
The Excitement of the Trailer
When I was a youngster, one of the most exciting parts of going to the cinema, was the trailers before the feature. Prior to the rise of social media, it was one of the only ways to see what films were coming out. It was either that or at the beginning of a new DVD, just after that sinister piracy advert, you know the one with the dramatic music and 'YOU WOULDN’T STEAL A HANDBAG.’ Remember that? Terrifying. Anyway, back to the cinema. So, I remember I would sit there, and after each trailer say something like, ‘That looks good’ or ‘We should go and see that.' It was joyous, almost enough to take my father’s mind off the £50 he’d just spent on tickets and snacks.
Now, let’s jump to 2024, where the prices are even more insane. You’ve paid upwards of £15 for one ticket, you’re sitting in your chair with a box of stale popcorn, another £5, and the trailers are on. The audience murmurs things like, ‘Isn’t that a remake?’, ‘That was a TV show I swear!’, ‘There is ANOTHER Fast and Furious film!?’
I miss the days of trailers that would fill you with such excitement, that waiting 3 months for the release felt like an age. Nowadays, it just fills me with disappointment. For example, while scrolling through TikTok this morning I came across a trailer for a new horror film. Now, I am a BIG horror fan, so naturally, I let the trailer run. To my disappointment, it was The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024, Harlin)…yes, a much-needed prequel to the 2008 film starring Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman. Oh, I almost forgot the cherry on top of the cake: two more sequels have already been shot! I can hardly contain my excitement! Just the thought of so much money being invested into something we have all seen before, rather than something new, almost brings me to tears!
We’ve seen what kind of horror flicks are produced when we invest in new ideas. Take The Black Phone (2021, Derrickson), for example. A phenomenal film, and low and behold, it wasn’t a sequel, a reboot, or worst of all, a remake.
The Dreaded Remake
I like nostalgia just as much as the next person, sincerely I do, but c’mon…there are only so many remakes a woman can take. I could spend this whole section listing countless remakes, but there would be no point in doing that, as I’m sure we can all agree that the current film market is insanely saturated with remakes.
Why is the film industry so obsessed with remakes, you ask? Well, it's an easy answer, one word: money. If something works once, it is sure to work again, right? An instant money maker. Even if a remake is bad, which most of them are, people will still go and see them. Whether that be for nostalgia sake or because you want to see how it compares to the original. Weirdly, we see time and time again that they are not guaranteed money makers and many remakes spectacularly fail, which is why I think the high production of remakes also comes down to laziness and lack of diversity in the film industry.
To give a little grace, not all remakes are bad. I actually quite enjoyed the new West Side Story (2021, Spielberg), and I loved the remake of Stephen King’s IT (2017, Muschietti), so much so that I have an IT-themed tattoo on my literal body. But even though I enjoyed them, I can still admit that they were totally pointless. Think about it, why on earth do we need a remake of something that was perfectly fine in its original form? I don’t need to see a live-action version of a Disney classic, or some other geezer dancing to Footloose, or even Will Smith’s kid doing Kung Fu in a film called The Karate Kid.
It’s not only that I don’t need to see it, I simply do not want to. I don’t want to see a CGI version of The Lion King or a cringey modernized remake of an 80s classic. I mean it, the day they remake Back to the Future is the day I check out.
More recently, we got Mean Girls: The Musical (2024, Jayne, Perez JR). I must say, at least this was a new spin, with the singing and dancing, but to be honest, I don’t want to see a new version of Mean Girls (2004, Waters) where decent funny dialogue is replaced with autotuned songs (yes, I’m looking at you Angourie Rice.) Personally, I’d like to see a new film about the complexities of girlhood and adolescence. Take Moxie (2021, Phoehler), for example, such a refreshing film with a compelling and relatable story, adapted from a book.
Speaking of, I want to take this moment to clarify that I am by no means coming for book adaptations in this article. I am ALL FOR the book remakes. But what I am not for, is spin-offs and reboots.
ReBOOT it Off the Screen or SPIN it OFF the Planet
Personally, I believe TV shows should stay TV shows, and films should stay films. I’m not a fan of the crossovers, but I know plenty of people are, so that is not an area of criticism I want to focus on in this section. What I’m highlighting here, is the completely unnecessary TV remakes of films, like Harry Potter.
Fun fact about me, I used to work at Warner Bros…no, not in the studios, but in the hell hole that is the Harry Potter retail shop. When the new TV series was announced countless people would ask me each and every day, for my opinion. We were advised not to say much, so I didn’t, but deep down, what I really wanted to say was what a load of sh*t I thought it was. I like Harry Potter just as much as the next British person, but we’ve got 8 perfectly good films, with a perfectly good cast, so why on earth do we need a remake? Oh…that’s right, MONEY. Every Tom, Dick and Harry is gunna be tuning in to that show, and that’s what aggravates me so much. It WILL get high ratings and make money, and then more and more film franchises will cotton on and do the same thing. Like Twilight…for example.
I understand that some people want to consume these stories in more detail, and yes, a TV show definitely makes room for more in-depth stories. My response to that? I don’t know, read the book?
Why It’s Got Me SO Riled Up
Some of you might be reading this and relate to my frustration, however, some of you, might be wondering, ‘Why is she so riled up?’
It’s because I’m bored, guys, I’m so so bored. And, I’m a writer and a script editor, and I know first-hand that there are amazing original stories out there, that don’t get to see the light of day because some unnecessary remake is taking up all the space. Not to mention the amount of money being wasted on boring projects that we have all seen before, in the place of original storytelling, just so Hollywood can make a guaranteed buck.
It's sad. Genuinely, sad.
I’ll end this article on a more positive note, shall I? Here are my recommendations of a handful of films I have seen in the last few years that are well-crafted, superbly written and most of all, original.
Bullet Train (2022, Leitch)
Wicked Little Letters (2023, Sharrock)
Promising Young Woman (2020, Fennell)
JoJo Rabbit (2019, Waititi)
Booksmart (2019, Wilde)
The Holdovers (2023, Payne)
Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022, Kwan, Schienert)
And of course… Fast and Furious 10 (2023, Leterrier)
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